Website = frusterating

Dns servers, ftp clients, etc etc. I am running around trying to pack, trying to make the show gallery nice, and trying not to loose my mind. Partial success, at least its a start. Anyone own a hammock? Ok, I'm upset, and just anxiety off the walls. I'll try again tommorow, pack tonight hopefully, and generally get everything in order...

Sigh. Time to eat, time to go home, and just try to relax. Breathe in and out, breathe in and out.


J

Post-edit.

{J}

7th Day = One Week Ananana-verse-ery

I forgot how to spell anerversary, and this computer has no automatic spell check... I'm working on it.

Technically I'm working on alot of things, but as far as work goes its not very profitable.

Gallery=Disrepair again. Artist Douglass has had some paintings taken down, but since he's in the group show, decided to keep things here as long as possible, hoping to sell one of them. His paintings are quite pricey, but what can you do? It's his descision, it's his work, so he has the right to ask whatever he wants. J.C. and I sort of agreed to disagree on this I believe, he wants to help them sell more by lowering prices, but my philosophy at the time is to just try and remain objective, until we have a new way of doing things. Sailboat J is still here, doing what he does. I am here again, hopefully for only an hour today, but I have lots to do this weekend/need time to relax.

Flower shop job: Great day today, we cleaned up garbage and made a nice newer space for tree's and other flowering things. Now his plans for a little cafe are coming right along, now he just needs a suplier, training in the buisness, and customers. I suggested to have employees working for both, watering plants, carrying things, and taking orders and making coffee and tea and whatever. Take that gladstone, drake and everyone else who has a cafe (your esspresso and starbucks style coffee is safe though, Flower Shop M. wants to go in a different direction, and I still love your guiness in a can, thumbs up!).

Coffee shop: I went home in tears last night from movie night, while everyone else sat around and chatted about the movies and drank more coffee. I have to be selective what times I go in now, because I don't have alot of money to spend, and I don't want to scare their customers away. Barista M is very controlling of her coffee, as she should be, and I think I am somewhat of an annoyance coming in dirty and smelly and carrying my own tea and coffee (all hers though, and Barista C., aka, grumpster, who no longer likes the name grumpster, and has turned out to be a sweet care free fun loving [and "bitty" lovin'] guy, who's secretly an old man who stares at prrtty things all day and thinks "boy, would I love one of those. Although the alternative network is growing to be alternative in name only, sorry guys, but I'm about as "alternative" as they come and I feel like an outcast there. I will still bring my patronage, but if I can get away with roibous tea and hot water everyday instead of pricey coffee drinks, thats ok with me. Sorry I think everything is over priced, I know you are struggling to make ends meet and meet again, so I'll try to stop complaining for all to hear, and come in only once a day and not spill anything or talk to anyone. That way I'm comfortable and hopefully you are too. But if you want SHOW GALLERY and Flower Shop guy (both who's owners have much more money than I), you are going to have to meet them one way. Flower shop guy doesn't like your location, and SHOW GALLERY J.C. is never around, so I can only do so much leg work. Coffee + Flowers + Art = Me happy, I hope it makes someone else too and all your buisnesses and charities will survive.

Moving day: Slowly creeping up like a vine coming down a brick building :S. I'm scared sseltihs about where I'm moving, and landlord J has very little to do with me. I just want the door to lock tight, the place to be painted, and milk crates to move all my books with, but alas, I'm too lazy/had two days of very physical work to tire me out and make me grumpy. Today was much better, but this weekend is going to be heck. The mom is coming from up north to downtown, and she always seems frightened of the people I have as "friends" and the things I do and the place I'd like to live. So fingers crossed, but better have a plan B in mind...

Anyways, sorry all parties involved for my crankyness, and sorry for whatever else I have offended you with. Now I'm going to find some daily bread and get it blessed, clean off the dirt from the flower shop, try and relax, and just enjoy the fact that I'm employed flimsily and have places to go, things to see, milkcrates to steal, and so on and so on.

Good bye cruel world, until tomorow, then hello cruel world!!!!

P.s., remember speeling, punct. and grammamr not is strong suit...my.

Good morning canadamn...

Good night, good morning, and only a headache because my krebs cycle is in disrepair. Anyone have a cure for a slight hang over? Yes, don't drink silly. Anyways, after coffee and spreading the word on the gallery, I went out with the Bike Guy. Now, this bike guy has a bad street rep, but I find him interesting, highly inteligent, yet very set in his ways. If you know who I'm talking about, you probobally know him better. Anyways, he has been a semi-good influence on me, and is like a brother who takes you out, introduces you to his friends, then sends you home at the end of the night, and then always smiles when you comeback and complain of the hangover that he's had all day and not even mentioned to anyone, because complaining of a headache doesn't make it better I don't think, and I don't know if it just makes it worse.

Anyways, l'hopital is having some function, so if I get off work, resquedual an apointment, and avoid my new apartment/hole in the wall (literally almost) I might make it to have the door open at show gallery by 5 or so, and hope someone drops by and sits and talks, or else I'll just sit in the coffee shop and waste some time with delightful M, or Grumpy C (although they seem to have the capacity to both be grumpy and delightful, they just need to stop working 16 hour shifts and enjoy the life they espout all day. Sorry guys, I know you try hard and hope only the best for you and your nice organization.

I always love when new shops open, and am sad when old shops close. I guess its just a cycle in life, which is unavoidable. One person gets to live their dream for however long they can, and another has theirs crumble for all the world to see. Well, thats what I think when ever I see someone moving into a store front or a going out of buisness sale or empty shop. Maybe yin and yang, who knows? Not me.

I'll update you later blog, when I see how the rest of the day goes. At least I have a little white box to type in right now, and I actually hope no one reads it, haha, embarassing, but it's e-exposure, and if anyone does stumble upon it and get me to admit I wrote this, then maybe it will save some time in introducing myself, again, who knows? Not me. Yes I know, the old socratic "he who admits to knowing nothing knows the most", yet that didn't save him and only created the man we know as plato, who ever he was, or is, or could have been/is... I said is twice, excuse my use of english verbs, I am a native speaker, not a studiede.s.l., so I have tr0uble with the verb to be, in all its tenses. Maybe you could help me? Nah... I should just learn and make mistakes on my own.

Ok, so, to you, shapless void that existed before the earth, and now resides in a virtual abyss that we know as of the internets, where ever they are really located,

Good day, and good night.

Part 2: Later that day...

For a day that went pretty well, I feel pretty lousy. Whine whine whine. Artist Douglas wasn't very enthusiastic about having to leave the gallery. I feel bad for him, but he's three weeks and I've tried my best, but nothing sold and few people came in, which makes me sad because he has some very beautiful work if you just take the time to look. But alas, the gallery is a ghost town, and I am having trouble keeping up the energy to keep trying to get it running smoothly, or as smoothly as it ever has run. Mike come back... but I know, he has things to deal with no doubt, but it's pretty lonely being in there, though it is sometimes a good place just to go hide from the world.

I'm debating making this less personal, I'm kind of worried what people will think if they read it, and the internets's are a scary place. Is this good for the gallery? Is this good for me? Is this actually helping the community, or am I just trying some vain attempt to fit in somewhere? Sigh. I'm becoming less comfortable at the coffee shop, it's becoming busier, and I've spent too much money there, but I guess one less customer at this point won't make a big difference. I like it there though, but I don't know, I just feel like I'm imposing myself on people, and such, though I imagine most people just ignore me, and I take alot of the people who work there's time, and I try and buy from them and had this idea that I could help them stay in buisness and bring people in, but alas, I think I scare more people away. Flower shop seems to be going well, not sure if I'll be able to keep up the physical side of it the way I have, and I just feel awkward being there, but I guess I'm awkward everywhere, so I may as well get paid to do it. I keep trying to introduce flower shop guy, coffee shop gal, and art gallery dude, yet they all are too busy. Is it too much to ask that they all have flowers and coffee and art? Hahaha, I know, a pipe dream, but I mean it would be mutually benefitial and great for things, at least I think, but buisness owners/operators like to do things their own way, and they've earned the right to do it their way, and so I should probobally lay off with the, hey come meet him/her/them and just go in and get out and try and do something else with my time. Like sleep. Ahh sleep, how I miss you right now.

Anyways, enough of me gripping, hope to see you all (assuming there is a you all out there) at the opening on july 2nd at the gallery, and what not. Later folks.

Show Gallery + Workman Arts = July 3rd group showing?

Ok, so if anyone is around queen st and ossington, go inside the big scary doors of the 1001 queen st. CAMH, and just look around at the art on the walls. That's being scene, which show cases the workman arts program there, that big cement pollygon with the sunflowers, and the metal door that leads to the theatre. Nice place, nice busy people, but meeting some of the members who have had shows at the show gallery I felt almost at home. Plus I've been working with alot of the old files with the old website, and a bunch of the artists are on the walls near the coffee stand and just before the windowed tunnel. So pop in, see some of the history of the hospital site, see some art done by those in the community, and don't be afraid of the people, they are usually very nice and understanding. So don't be buffed away from it because you don't like the looks of the place or the people who reside at the hospital out for a smoke or asking for change, just think of it as another public place where people in all different states of life are spending time, and even the staff is ok usually, though they give you the "who is this person, what are they doing here and man I just want to go home" looks on their faces.

Ok, so have a good day, i need a nap, but the being scene is there all year, and the artists themselves will likely be around too.

'Orivoir.

Day the third: Day harder.

Ok, so I've already complained about my day to everyone I know, so whats once more. The gallery is in here somewhere, but its mainly me me me.

Got up. Went to apt. Drywall compounded the wall. McDonald's, mm. Coffee shop. Gallery. Coffee shop. Gallery. Coffee shop. Thank you T.A.N. coffee for putting up with my shenanigans (did somebody say shenanigans, I better go get my broom! [south park reference, if you really want to I can give you a link to the episode]). OK, this is my first time ever using a coffee shop's internet, and it is frustrating. I'd better try and get a hot-spot set up in the gallery, but alas, J.C. is too busy for me :(. I mean, it's understandable, he has his businesseses to run and I'm not technically an employee of his, just someone who hangs around in his gallery and tries not to cause trouble and to keep the door open and to maintain my own sanity, to mixed success. Luckily the spell check on my browser is working, for the interests of grumpster, who may be the only stumbler upon of my lowly little blog, but thank you anyways for your support and for not taking me seriously when I proposed earlier (I gave that bubble gum ring to Sir Flemming, and he's saving it for a special occasion. Cheer up man, life is good, you have a great job, a nice boss (well she's nice to me, nanana boo whoooo... for now...).

Anyways, I don't like writing in public. I don't really like anything in public, but I am trying to grow as a person etc etc and this is a start.

So nothing went well today, but I hope J.C. will get one of my many messages and come and join me for a coffee and listen to my crazy ideas for his little gallerie. Today was a fragile day, hopefully tomorrow I can get some things done and feel like an ordinary, stable person. Until then I bid you ado.

Second post, much newer than the first.

Hello again internets. I know there is technically only one of you, but to me you seem like a digital web waiting for us analog flies to get caught in.

Anyways, I decided to sweep the gallery today. It was somewhat fulfilling, but whenever I start to try and clean or do something all I see is more and more that needs to be done. Since I am currently the only vollenteerer, and yes, grumpster, laugh at my speeling, it phases me not, and I've been having trouble raising the time, energy and will power to snap this gallery back into shape. The owner, operator and patron of the SHOW GALLERY arts is a busy man, with many busynesses to run and tennants to take care of and friends and family, and so I feel guilty calling him everyother day just to tell him, hey, I'm here, no one comes in and no one is caring :(. I care. That much I know. The community I felt last year at the gallery has evaporated, the guy who was running the show is M.I.A. (good luck to him though, nice guy and I hope only the best for him). And so I feel like the torch is being passed somewhat, but right now the flame has been extinguished, only to hopefully spark again. I have no idea what it will take, but coming soon there is a group show, which is always fun, because with many different artists and many different arts all coming together it should make for an interesting time. Now instead of one artist to help, I'll have several, which is good and I hope I can inspire one or two of them to do some sitting, but it all depends on their moods and attitudes towards the gallery.

I have just started "project improve galleries standing with queen st. public", which is a campain against sneers and jeers at the prospect of a "free art gallery" accross from the hospital, and around the "profit" driven art dealers with window store shops and fancy imported expensive and quite nice art. I enjoy the mocca, edward day, the cuban art gallery, T.A.N.'s coffee shop with art on the walls and even black dog video is a nice place for such things. It is such an interesting block, with profesionals and such and people from every walk of life, asking for change, cigarrettes, and just someone to listen to their stories and to treat them as people, not like the by-products of the social-welfare state ( I think that a social saftey net is a more appropriate term, but others would disagree). So in the interest of the community, and of my new favorite block, I decided to clean it up, one sidewalk slab at a time. I started sweeping the dust from the gallery's front, getting rid of the polka dots left by the gas companies chewing up the pavement to instal new metres and such, and was quickly discouraged by the amount of dirt that had built up and the lack of care. So I moved on to sweeping cigarette butts into the street, which seems logical but may be illegal, so my excuse is "i'm not getting paid for this, and half of them are likely mine". Someone, who knows who they are, remarked that they would just go into the sewer drains and end up in our water supply, but I still believe that toronto's water is drinkable and potable, even if they have to make some new filter to filter out the filters. But anyways, only my new favorite coffee shop's employess seemed to notice my invasion of public property, and laughed at me and said "why are you doing this" and I said "because some of them are mine, and it makes it look nicer", but 10 minutes later there was a carton full of cigarette buts back on the sidewalk, and I could only mope about it (as I lit my own cigarette and later tossed it off the curb).

Anyways, I can now count my self amoung the working class, although I have no class and barely work, atleast in the kind that matters to pay the bills, and so my time is being split between several adventures: finding afordable housing, learning about flowers and guardening as an art and a buisness, and trying to get this gallery going again. So I am busier than ever, yet am trying to juggle everything. Anyways, I had a very good day today, even if it ended with me covered with drywall compound (fixing holes in drywall is a lousy thing to be doing after 7 hours of work, eating dinner (a sangwitch) in the gallery, and then meeting my new land lord and going to my new and seedy bachelor apt., located in a nice little corner of parkdale, minutes away from the exibition, and a short bus ride to work, and a short streetcar ride to the gallery and coffee shop. Sigh. No internet for me for maybe 2 months, and that is pretty saddening for me, but I hope to bring my heavy computer to the coffee shop and use their wireless internet and sip on my drink very slowly and ask for water because I can't afford more than 2 beverages a day there, and trying to sneak in a bag lunch/greasy, cheap, yet delicious and less pricy food from the 2 restaraunts down the street (sorry guys, I can't afford to be an organic person, and I like meat too much to be a vegetarian, and greasy food is awesome fun in my tummy tum tum. Mmm, bacon cheese burgers, mmm. Sorry again.

Ok, so this went fairly well, hope I didn't give too much info, just needed to unwind and settle my mind.

Goodbye for now, city my city, my time has come.

Foray into the blogging world at 3am on a sunday night, several hours before "work"

Ok, this is my first time... be gentle internet audience, whoever and whomever you may be. So....

I started volunteering at this little, almost hidden, non-for profit art gallery last year, and low and behold, I am doing it again this year. If you havn't heard of it, havn't been to it, and havn't read it at the top of this page/visited the hope to be up, up to date and running soon, website artbrutart.com, then let me give you the little talk I give to the people who decide to venture into the little door at 978 queen st. west, toronto ontario, located between a cuban art gallery and T.A.N.'s coffee, across from the queen st. camh and centre for the working arts and just down the street from trinity belwoods park:

WELCOME TO the SHOW GALLERY...blog...

We are a non-for profit, privately owned, volenteer run, art gallery, located in the heart of art gallery country on west queen st west, who provide space to artists of all different backgrounds, as long as you deserve the space and are gentle on the walls. Anyways, the gallery is a nice little square room, with exposed brick on one wall, white paint on the oposing, and red on the back wall and a nice little store front window sometimes empty, sometimes full with beautiful and creative art work, done by people who use their own materials, hang their own shows, price their own paintings, and just need help having someone keep the door open for them so that people can come in and see what they have done and acomplished. Many of our artists (if they do not mind me calling them so) have been through poverty, have survived being a "consumer", which is an ugly word for someone who's had to deal with the mental health system in any way, shape, or form, and who are just looking to get out there, get started and become someone doing something, even if it's just in the eye's of a lowly volenteer who can share in what they are going through, what they are doing and always looking to learn from those who have been there before.

Anyways, my grammer, punctuation and spelling need some touch ups, as with my interpersonal skills. I will proudly state that I am amoung those who are named "consumers" and doing my darndest to become a proud "survivor". I am "social phobic", which is an anxiety disorder, caracterised by being afraid of people for no logical reason. Part of my recovery is just getting what we in the S.P. world call "exposures", which is a nice way of saying "getting out of the house and forcing ourselves to interact with the big scary world :S".

So anyways, I will probobally add more about myself later, as I seem to be the only one frequenting the gallery these days, but I hope to start a mailing list, keep updating the website, and just get the word out the best I can that this gallery is worth your time and mine, and that everyone and anyone should stop by when the door is open, be adventurous, and step into a world that is not their own and out of the rain and just walk around, look at the pictures/art/photo's/sculptures/whatever is on the walls, on the floors, under the benches and on the little desk at the time, which changes every 3 weeks on the saturday night opening, when we have free cheese and crackers, water and pop, and hope to encourage a good time had by all from the hours of 7-9 and whenever the door is open after the opening.

Anyways again, good night internet world, I hope you sleep too, and that you are up before me and running around and getting your work(s) done and hope to see you soon, though you may have to coax me into admiting I am the author of this poorly written statement.